A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with a fellow Mustang parent that left me wondering if our children actually attend the same school. She shared with me some frustrations about communicating with her child's teachers and frankly my experiences have been quite the opposite of hers. This dialogue made me think that it might be helpful for us as parents to consider a few things regarding communication with our MJHS Teachers.
The five Ws are a formula used in police investigations, journalism, and other types of research as the method of getting the WHOLE STORY. As parents it can be difficult to get the whole story when we are really only getting our child's perspective and version of a confusing or frustrating situation with a teacher. So, I'm suggesting that we Mustang parents employ the 5 Ws listed below when a circumstance arises that needs a bit of investigating!
Who- A good P.I. (Parent Investigator) goes straight to the source!
I think it's really important to contact the teacher directly when there is a concern. It's really tempting to call a fellow parent, get on social media, or go to an administrator or another teacher, but I know that in my job, I really appreciate someone bringing a concern to me directly first rather than discussing with others before I've had a chance to clarify potential misunderstandings. Teachers are professionals, and we need to respect them and give them a chance to clarify or make situations right. Nothing puts me on the defensive more quickly than knowing that someone took their grievance with me to someone else first. Now my natural tendency is to be less willing to hear the person out and work with them, because I feel disrespected. Same goes for teachers, wouldn't you say?
What- A smart P.I. chooses battles wisely!
Do I need to voice every single grievance every single time I hear some little thing that displeases me? No, no I don't. Oh, this is such a hard one for me. Choosing my battles. I think it's important to give teachers the benefit of the doubt and allow for a "bad day" because as a parent and professional I have bad days and hope the benefit of the doubt will be extended to me. If my daughter shares that a teacher is rude, unfair, or harsh and it is not something serious or that seems to be a pattern, I let it go. On the other hand, I had a situation where my daughter was convinced that a teacher hated her and provided some solid reasons why she felt that way over a period of several weeks. That, of course, had to be addressed and was thankfully quickly resolved once I emailed the teacher. By the way, I think email is the best first route of communication because I can be sure to say what I mean and it is often easier for the teacher than having to get a phone message and find a time to make a call.
When- A clever P.I. takes the time needed to get the whole story!
I really do think that waiting at least a few hours before making a call or shooting an email is the prudent way to go. If my child is upset, it is pretty natural for me to get upset too. Sometimes once my child is more relaxed, she actually shares more information that's relevant to a situation and because I have waited, I have a better grasp on my actual concern. With my younger children, I actually have cell phone numbers for some of their teachers because of medical issues. Would you believe I have had to stop myself more than once from texting a teacher on the weekend! Unless it is something coming up first thing Monday morning that is essential, I really need to respect that teachers have lives and families and obligations outside of school! We have to be patient and trust that in most cases it's okay if it takes a day or two for a teacher to return a call or email.
Where- A prudent P.I. respects the privacy of their child and the teacher!
Discussing in a public place where others can overhear isn't fair to the teacher and it isn't really fair to my child either. I'll include social media as a public place as well...Not long ago, I made the mistake of trying to discuss a relatively serious concern with a teacher in the middle of a busy science fair! She was kind and gracious, but I really shouldn't have expected to have her full attention and investment of time in the middle of the science fair madness. In retrospect, I wish I had just mentioned that I wanted to meet with her or speak on the phone and asked when the best time to contact her would be. Getting the full picture of a situation will be much more likely in a more private environment, phone conversation, or email.
Why- An informed P.I. asks questions rather than making accusations!
Asking questions is of utmost importance. Allowing the teacher an opportunity to share their perspective rather than making assumptions and accusations really goes a long way. In the past, I have said things like, "My daughter said..........did she misunderstand in some way?" or "Can you understand why that concerns me?". Almost all the teachers I have encountered both at Coolidge and Memorial have been fair minded enough to hear me out and respond respectfully. Setting a tone of respect by asking questions rather than making accusations has certainly helped the process.
Well fellow Parent Investigators, I hope the above is of some benefit as we finish out another school year these next couple of months. Communicating with teachers is a critical component of helping our children succeed in school. And if we stick to these 5 Ws of communication, we can wear our P.I. badges proudly!
Interested in more about communicating with teachers? Check out these brief articles that are good for parents of elementary or junior high students:
Tips For Communicating with Teachers Effectively
The Parent Teacher Partnership
